you can get with this, or you can get with that. part deux.

So, here comes the part where I shamelessly attempt to drum up votes by making promises I can’t keep. I probably shouldn’t have opened with that. Nix the promises. Instead, just vote for the best one (mine, duh). Are you confused by all this talk of voting and lying?? Start here . . . then go here . . . and, finally, remind yourself that I’m a defending champ.

To vote for “Dark Paradise”, follow the simple directions HERE. If you do, I promise you rubies and tigers and castles and those dark chocolate sea salt caramels that Trader Joe’s makes.

because I had that other picture of that Lynx and now my blog is about big cats.

Because I had that other picture of that Lynx and now my blog is about big cats.

photo credit

dark paradise

There are 17 lights on my commute to work (another 17 on the way home). What would be a 5 – 7 minute drive is easily 20. And not a smooth 20 . . . a stop and go 20.

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, I want to announce the posting of my short fiction piece. Click here if you have no idea what I’m talking about. Please do me a solid and check it out over on Tim’s website. It’s about the most ambiguous love I can think of, set to the smooth vocal stylings of Lana Del Rey. (You can hate her if you want to, but she’ll just hypnotize you with her pouty lips and cat’s eye makeup.)

For those of you who dislike it when I babble, here are the straight facts:

Dark Paradise <— Ripe for the clicking

Read it and weep (well, you probably won’t be crying).

Lynx

In July…or whenever the eff that was…I said I was back. I said it with sass. (See here.)

The truth is, that was a lie.

I was not back; I was just visiting/toying with the emotions of the general public.

The next truth is, I’m not entirely sure that I’m back this time either. But I’m here right NOW, and (in a world where that matters) that’s all that really matters.

Alright, let’s cut to the chase:

Aren’t you guys just freakin’ crazy for homophones?!? I know, I shouldn’t even have to ask – it’s a total and complete given. So, this cat right hurr has some information to share with you. And in order for you to get the most out of the information, you are going to have to do a lot of clicking.

I chose the kitty that meant the most business.

I chose the kitty that meant the most business.

Photo Credit

You may remember a writing contest that I took part in last year. Or you might be blocking that time period from your memory for reasons that I don’t understand, but would never judge. I announced my participation in that contest the only way I knew how: a Red Hot Chili Peppers themed blog post.

Then, I bugged you about it a little here while shamelessly plugging away here.

Finally, I won the shit out of that contest with this piece of enlightened prose (ahead of its time yet simultaneously harkening back to a purer period in writing’s history) followed by a bit of a Katniss themed touchdown dance.

This is likely the point where you start wondering why you should care. I think it’s obvious, but if I must spell it out . . . the February Prompt is back (in March – that Tim Stevens is a wily fellow). Because I can hardly give up the chance to spend hours of my life agonizing over story structure while riddled with self-doubt, I have signed up again!! Details can be found on Tim’s newly revamped but always fresh as heck website. <—- That’s clickable in case you didn’t know.

My story will go live on 3/21, but I’ll probably be back to remind/annoy you sometime before then. In an unprecedented move, I would like to offer up a clue about my inspiration song choice. The singer is a female with hair that is sometimes brown, but sometimes blonde. First one to guess correctly gets the spam letter from Uganda that arrived in my inbox this morning!!!

Well, I don’t know about you, but it’s dinner time on the west coast, and I am totally in the mood to chow some sausage links.

you can get with this, or you can get with that.

Hey remember that short piece o’ fiction I wrote last month for Breaking Up to a Beat???

Me neither. Luckily, it matters not that you remember it, only that you vote for it here: official voting spot. Integrity is not something I value, but if you do and would prefer to make your own “informed” decision by reading all the stories (wow, I bet you’re fun at parties), then please, by all means click right HERE to access the linked list.

The poll closes at precisely 11:59pm (EST) on Saturday, March 10th, so I guess I’m not sure why you are still dilly dallying. There is an Amazon gift card at stake!!!

The choice is yours (but probably, you should vote for this one).

Schoolhouse Rocks the Vote!: A Benefit for Roc...

This picture has a loose association with my post, but that hardly matters now that Conjunction Junction is stuck in your head.

there’s no bathroom, and there is no sink. the water out of the tap is very hard to drink.

That’s right. Tomorrow. Tomorrow (2/13)  is THE day to tune into Breaking Up To A Beat for an original short piece of fiction by everyone’s favorite blogger. I think it’s probably necessary that I specify that I mean me.

On a side note (there is always a side note), I’m not sure it’s common knowledge that the tap water in San Diego is legitimately hard to drink. It tastes like a cross between an old puddle near a dumpster and chlorinated sour milk. Now, I did grow up in Newington, CT, home of the most delicious water to ever spring forth from a tap. However, I don’t think that my distaste for SoCal water is a form of water elitism. They can hardly keep Brita pitchers on the shelf at Target.

English: Drop of water falling into a glass of...

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tell me baby, what’s your story?

The Red Hot Chili Peppers band members in 2000...

Image via Wikipedia

Gah, I know. Second post in a row with a RHCP title. Can I blame California?? The Red Hot Chili Peppers must hold some sort of record for the most references to the Golden State . . . if not in song/album titles, certainly within the lyrics. With California monopolizing all levels of my consciousness, it only makes sense that I would arrive at RHCP music while using song-related free association (my favorite school bus game of yesteryear btw) to title my posts.

I guess it’s not entirely fair for me to blame California (for this anyway – if you would like a list of the other things I am currently blaming on CA, just ask). My thing for the Red Hot Chili Peppers didn’t start when I moved here . . . nor did it start when Anthony Keidis and Dave Navarro made out in that video (H-O-T). It actually started in 5th grade when I insisted on singing Under The Bridge to an audience of parents at some girl scout event. Yes, that really happened, and nothing I can say right now can possibly encapsulate how monumentally amazing it is that a moment like that actually occurred.

Want more examples? Oh good!! Because I have one more. I also walked down the aisle to a Red Hot Chili Peppers song (an orchestrated version of Soul to Squeeze). *Sigh* I am such a romantic.

Well, I sure am glad I just spent all that time establishing my feelings about something that has nothing to do with the reason I started writing today. My intention for this post is to announce my participation in a very special guest blogging opportunity set up by talented writer and all-around keen dude, Tim Stevens. I was going to explain the particulars, but since I wasted a lot of writing energy on the Red Hot Chili Peppers thing, I will instead direct you to the blog where Tim does a better job of explaining it than I would have anyway (he wasn’t the NHS class of ’99 El Presidente for nothing, folks).

Breaking Up to A Beat <—– click it or ticket

I will admit to being a little nervous here stepping outside my comfort zone. (Do I even have one of those? I am almost always feeling at least slightly awkward.) I’m fairly certain that I have not touched this subject matter since I was an angsty teen, and I’m really not trying to do the angsty teen thing . . . right now. In the end though, I was intrigued by the concept, and the idea of doing something a bit different than the usual for me was the clincher. I encourage everyone to follow along for the month of February, and then vote for your favorite at the end. Your favorite doesn’t have to be my piece, but it would be a lot cooler if it was.

I will post again once I know the date that my story will appear. Then my loyal readership can feel free to flock to the website in droves, overwhelming the server with sheer numbers and also with brute force (because that’s just how my readers roll).